Trump To Base: "Wrestling's Totally Real." Base To Trump, "We Know, Bro."
(Washington, D.C.) President Trump confirmed the suspicions of millions of his supporters today by confirming, once and for all, wrestling is totally real.
"It's totally real, bro." Trump said from the Oval Office this morning. "I really wrestled that CNN to the ground and kicked his lily-white liberal ass. To say otherwise is FAKE NEWS!" he bellowed to his advisor, a 52-inch flat screen Samsung television that hangs on the wall outside his bathroom.
"It was sent to me, the GIF, I saw it. It was on TV, it's real. Simple as that, it's real. I assure you," he commented before stepping into the bathroom and trying to move his bowels for the third time in this morning.
"I knew it! I knew wrestling was real. I told you, bitch." excited supporter Art Schrader whooped from the front seat of his Ford F-150 pick-up truck where he was doing donuts in the parking lot of the high school. "I fucking told all y'all motherfuckers that one time, remember? We were high, and I said, 'wrestling's fuckin' real, I think.' And you were all there. You heard it," he said hitting the gas and speeding off in pursuit of the American Dream and some "poon."
The announcement comes on the heels of libtards' calls of something called, "irony," pointing to the fact that Trump was using something "fake" to make fun of the FAKE NEWS, CNN. The Trump bombshell blows a hole in all that. Even if we don't know what "irony" is we know it can't be one if wrestling is real. Period. Paragraph.
"I'll bet these coastal elites are really sucking a dick tonight, huh?" Trump supporter Brianna Cheeseman crowed from the stoop of her trailer where she was preparing some crow her husband Brent had shot out of the tree in the yard. "Suck that dick, Coastal Elites!" she yelled, shaking her fist at the endless gray sky. "Suck that dick!"