Trump-Proposed Travel Ban Now To Include Illinois

(Washington, D.C.)  Following the latest attack on American baseball-playing patriots in Washington, D.C. President Trump moved to add Illinois to his list of banned terrorist havens. The terrorist, identified as radical James T. Hodgkinson, is believed to be from the radical hotbed and all-around shithole, Illinois (with a silent "s" like a foreigner would say.)

"We're not saying that all people from Illinois are terrorists, just that most of them are," Trump said from the toilet in the White House where he does a lot of his thinking. "The safety of Americans is more important than the "freedoms" of so-called Illinois people. They're garbage people, frankly." he said.

The move comes on the heels of Hodgkinson's shooting of Republican lawmakers at a baseball field in the capitol Wednesday. House Majority Whip Re. Steve Scalise, as well as three others, were injured in the attack.

"These sort of terrorist attacks are becoming far too common in our country and, frankly President Trump is the right man to do something about it," said White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. "And, let's be clear, Illinois is a real Hellhole and banning the shitheads that live there from coming to America is a huge step to making this country great again."

"Yeah, fuck Illinois," Trump concluded.

Brett EricksonComment