Attorney General High As Fuck

(Washington D.C.)  Riding a killer buzz from some really potent weed, Attorney General Jeff Sessions read from a book about bunnies today.

"That is one funny bunny," the nation's top cop said about the book's main character P.J. Funnybunny. "Just look at his ears! What the fuck?" he said giggling uncontrollably. "His ears are huge! Or as as the president would say, YUUGE! Hahaha...that's how that dude talks. What's his name? Oh yeah, Donald...that's how Donald Trump talks. He says...YUUGE! Hahaha...that's a funny sounding name...Trump. Trump." he said repeating the name over and over until doubling over in uncontrollable laughter.

"Man, this shit is the bomb!" Sessions said moments later after coming out of his fit of laughter and calming down a bit. "They said it was a sativa, but it feels more like an indica. I mean, I can't find my keys., for real!"

The former Senator from Alabama was on the lawn of the White House for the 139th Annual Easter Egg Roll. "What the fuck are they even doing?" he said pointing to the kids rolling colored Easter eggs through the grass with long wooden spoons. "It's fuckin' hilarious, but I don't I don't get what it is they're even trying to do."

Once the President arrived, Sessions mood changed. "Oh shit, he fucking knows I'm high. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit." he said running to his car in the parking lot and hiding in the front seat for hours.

Brett EricksonComment