Soros Considering Raise For Protestors

Evil leftist lunatic George Soros is said to be considering raises for the thousands and thousands of professional protesters he funds across the country. Sources confirmed this week that these raises will be in addition to the annual cost-of-living raises the billionaire madman hands out every year on Stalin's birthday.

Demon billionaire George Soros in a picture from high school

Demon billionaire George Soros in a picture from high school

The raises come as workers have had to really ramp up production protesting against the not-at-all insane policies of Leader Trump. "They deserve it," Soros said from his lair in Hollywood, probably. "They've all been working really hard to help us achieve our goal of a New World Order and they deserved to be rewarded for it," he said feeding a baby to his pet sharks.

Protesters the country over were elated to hear the news. "I'm gonna use mine to make a new sign with some new poster board and markers," Shea O'Malley said about the rumored raise. "My last one got all smashed when the police just did their jobs and cracked our skulls," she said from a hastily organized protest of the repeal of ObamaCare outside the office of congressman Darrel Issa. "We're out here, last minute, last second...whatever," she said. "Luckily, we don't have other jobs, so it's cool."

Other professional protesters were thinking about bigger-ticket items. "I really need a new gas mask," agitator Stanley Pughfish said from a riot he had to work on a college campus recently. "I mean, mine's gettin' pretty old, and I don't wanna be embarrassed when I'm out there breaking the law."

Brett EricksonComment