Attorney General Orders Harsher Sentences..."with a few exceptions."
(Washington, D.C.) Attorney General Jeff Sessions ordered prosecutors across the country to pursue the strictest penalties for those committing crimes..."with a few exceptions." Sessions then turned to President Trump and began rubbing up against him like a cat.
The move, seen by Dumbocrats and even some Republicans as a return to the failed War on Drugs, will lead, they say, to bloated prisons filled with non-violent drug-users. "Hopefully," said Sessions while purring and rubbing his furry head on Trump's leg.
"But, let me be clear," Sessions continued after lapping up a saucer of milk in the President's kitchen. "We will be tough on crime. All crime." The Attorney General then looked over at the President and cooed, "with a few exceptions."
"We can't very well Make America Great Again if the President is in jail for colluding with a foreign government to usurp the election process and then obstructing justice in the subsequent investigation. I mean, duh," Sessions remarked before stretching out in the midday sun and taking a nap on the back of the President's couch. "Some crimes are just more important than others."
The phrase, "with a few exceptions" plays on the letter President Trump's lawyers released concerning his investments in Mother Russia, noting that the President had NO investments with the foreign country..."with a few exceptions." Libtards have even turned this into a meme that began trending on Twitter. "I don't think it's funny," Sessions said while cleaning himself with his tongue. "I don't think anything's funny. I mean it. We're going to put druggies in jail, especially if they're black and we're going to chalk up the treason as just scrambling a few eggs on the road to Making America Great Again."
The AG then coughed up a hairball and chased a mouse out of the troom.