Leftovers Unwarmed As Nation's Microwaves Transition To Cameras
(Kitchens & Breakrooms) Slices of cold pizza and other popular leftovers remained unwarmed this week as the nation's microwave ovens transitioned to cameras for spying by the "Deep State." The move has left many wondering what to do with last night's lasagna.
"I can't eat it cold, it's gross!" Genevieve Albaney groused forom the break room of the Wal-Mart in Little Rock, AK. "Ewww," she said while poking her lunch with a fork. "Just ewww." Albaney had set the timer on the break room microwave to 1:30, but mentioned that when she hit 'Start' the oven didn't heat her leftover tuna casserole. "It just sat there. It didn't get hot, it didn't rotate on that little plate, it didn't do nothin'. All's it did was flash a really bright white flash of light and make a clicking sound."
The problem, says White House SpokesMouth KellyAnne Conway, is a super-secret CIA spying program run by Obama designed to turn all the nation's microwaves into cameras. These cameras will gather intel for the Muslim Traitor for use in a future attempt to bring down America. This transition is not popular with real Americans.
"I just think microwaves are microwaves, and cameras are cameras, but I'm old-school," retired pipe-fitter Myron Kratz said from the kitchen of his home in Indianapolis. "I don't understand why you gotta change to another thing after you already are one thing. God made you a microwave, not a camera. Just stay a microwave."
Kratz noticed other practical difficulties with the new trend toward appliance fluidity. "If my microwave's a camera now, then I gotta cook my Swanson Hungry-Man Dinners in the oven and that takes like an hour!" Kratz said shaking his head angrily. "And i just don't got that kinda time."