Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse Genuinely Surprised They’re Not Trump’s Four Pillars of National Security Strategy

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(Purgatory) War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death were genuinely surprised they were not named as President Trump’s new Four Pillars of American foreign policy.

”I couldn’t believe it,” said a shocked Pestilence. “I was ready to go. I was up on my horse and everything.” he added, changing out of his suit of armor and into some sweatpants. 


”Yeah, he was,” agreed a flummoxed Death. “We all were. I had my scythe all sharp and stuff. We thought, you know, for sure this was going to be the call.”

”Everything this guy’s ever done would lead you to believe this would be the breaking of the first four seals,” a melancholy Famine added shaking his head.

Regardless of the President’s dismissal of the pale riders of Hell on Earth, the Four try to keep a positive outlook and vow to be ready when, not if, Trump makes the call.

”Oh, were comin’ to fuck shit up,” a suddenly agitated War said. “We’re gonna kill all you motherfuckers.”

Brett EricksonComment