Kaepernick Out For Season With "Protest Knee"

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(San Francisco)  Unemployed Communist quarterback Colin Kaepernick is out for the season with "protest knee," a result of his spending too much time kneeling in protest during the National Anthem.

The condition, which only affects unpatriotic, America-hating leftists, stems from prolonged pressure exerted on the knee from the weight of the entire body exhibited while kneeling. "When the song starts, and the body goes into a kneeling position," explains Christian Doctor Allen K Roberts. "All of the weight of the athlete rests on the knee for the entirety of the song. This exerts extra pressure on the ligaments, tendons, and cartilage that supports the whole structure. The body's natural position during the Anthem is upright with back straight and eyes on the flag, averted from any rampant racial or moral injustice that would normally be in the direct line of sight."

Many players have "taken a knee" during other parts of the game, but seem to be unaffected, which is readily explained by Dr. Roberts. "Yes, normal kneeling will not cause such stress to the knee. Protest kneeling, however, will as this is God's way of punishing unAmerican blacks."

Kaepernick will instead be donating time and money to charity. The domestic terrorist has pledged $1 million and the proceeds from his jersey sales to more than 10 different charities worldwide.

Brett EricksonComment